At three years old, I was content with my life. I had my mom and dad almost all to myself because I was smaller than my then six year old sister Myah. I had plenty of love and plenty of play time, everything a little kid wants. I remember that when my mom was 7 or 8 months pregnant, I was sitting with her on her bed and we were talking about names and I wanted to name her Honey Bird. Those were the days when I thought she would be a cute, innocent little thing that would never bother me. I had no idea what I was in for.
On July 25th, 2005, shortly after my birthday on the 16th, the baby came. I remember holding her in my lap the day after she was born with my dad's reassuring arms around me holding her head and side, making sure that I didn't drop her. I decided I loved her, and that I always would. I kept that promise to myself to this very day and is still in play. But when she came home, things changed for me. When I wanted or needed something, it was always Carolyn who needed some thing else before that I got what I had asked for. My mom was too tired to do the simplest of things, like reading a story. And then came the biggest change of all.
Leaving in the middle of kindergarten was strange for me, not understanding that I would never see any of these particular friends again. We had run out of space, and my parents decided to try something new. That something was Maine. Friends weren't a problem, for I'm a natural at meeting new people. I loved going home in a bus and walking down my dirt road driveway feeling so grown up. The crisp smell of the air in autumn is amazing, nearly overwhelming. I could venture into the woods by stepping out of my doorway. Moving back to New York was the hardest part of it. I had to leave the place I love most to go to a ghost of a memory, something that is alive to me now, but still isn't what I would chose if it weren't for my friends here. All of this because of one person. What if there was no Carolyn?
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